Only LaMelo Ball would rock a highlighter-colored suit
LaMelo Ball is making headlines for his burgeoning all-around game — as well as his wardrobe choices. On opening night he went full “LaMelo Yellow” with his tennis-ball yellow, glow-in-the-dark trench coat/suit combo.
The fit, of course, matched his Lamborghini. Because when you’re a young millionaire you can do this sort of thing. I guess you can do it when you’re an old millionaire too, so long as you pick a color that compliments the drink that bears your name. And speaking of drinks, Mello Yello is an actual beverage and a natural sponsorship partner. Plus, Mello Yello could probably use a new pitchman.
Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of the awful looking suit and discuss some additional fun that LaMelo can have while looking so terrible.
PROS: People will notice you. Because, you know, it’s hard to miss a tall man wearing a garish yellow suit while driving a matching Lamborghini. Willingness to stand out is important in a leader.
CONS: You look like a dick.
PROS: The suit demonstrates tremendous self-confidence. Honestly, I love the boldness. If you wear a full-on, glow-in-the-dark anything out in public, and you’re older than 11 years old, you really don’t care what people think. And when you’re a modern athlete, not caring what people think is extremely important.
CONS: Lots of people took pictures of you wearing a stupid suit. Someone might show your mom.
PROS: If LaMelo holds onto the suit, someday he can punish his children by making them wear the suit. Or by taking them out in public while he wears the suit.
CONS: You still look like a dick.
Twitter is a wild ecosystem, my friends. Nothing makes me want to live in the woods more than being on Twitter. There are diminishing returns on what is funny or enjoyable and everything online tends to spiral quickly towards the muck and the mire. I get exposed to weird new vernacular like “Horny Wolf Suit,” which sounds both sort of funny and also sort of concerning. I think, “great, I either google ‘Horny Wolf Suit’ or I have to ask our resident young kid/social media expert what a ‘Horny Wolf Suit’ is on Slack.” This is right about the time I end up contemplating existential questions about what I’m doing with my life.
I need to go drink some coffee.
But anyways, LaMelo isn’t the first NBA player to rock some vividly hideous garb (complete with a Michael Jackson pose and come hither look no less). And he won’t be the last. You can capitalize on this type of wild style. If I was LaMelo, here’s what I’d do.
LaMello Yellow: It’s the low-lying fruit. The brand has a history of fun and suggestive adverts.
You want one more? OK, here’s one more. Mello Yello also had a famous racecar driver do an ad zooming around in cars and kissing ladies — are you telling me you wouldn’t love a LaMello Yello throwback ad where he’s rocking the wild suit and he looks at the camera and says:
Look out, mouth
Watch out hips
I got a bright-ass suit that’s dope as shit
In my ideal ad, one of the resident bikini ladies quietly says, “you should’ve worn the dope suit then,” because it’s funny to laugh at yourself. And then LaMelo chugs some yellow sugar water Napoleon Dynamite-style and hops in the Lambo with a couple of the bikini ladies and tears off into the sunset.
Play a villain in a superhero movie: This one wrote itself. I like the DC Villain angle, but if I was casting the movie, I’d pitch LaMelo on playing a character called Mr. Banana Rammer. He drives a banana-shaped car and his superpower is that no one can take him seriously in his ridiculous suit so every time he enters a scene the action stops and everyone starts laughing at him.
Get in a Matrix movie: He’s already doing some bullet-dodging, reality-bending stuff on the court. Why not hop in the Sci-Fi franchise if they make a fifth installment? When Lana Wachowski is looking for a lamer, shittier, more florescent Morpheus who has been re-programmed by the Mechanized AI overlords, look no further than LaMelo. I’m sure LaMelo can volunteer some solid dialogue about how the Matrix is manifested in the limits of modern education.
But make no mistake, the kid can play. He is not afraid to show up and show out. He’ll get your attention and blow your mind. The suit may be a hideous color, but it is very bright. Just like his basketball future.