The best Ben Simmons destinations, ranked

Ben Simmons will no longer be a Philadelphia 76er. Between his unwillingness to report to training camp, Daryl Morey being unable to strike a deal, and Klutch Sports tanking his value, this has become one of the league’s messiest situations. The market for Ben’s services has dried up, even three straight All-Star appearances and two All-Defensive Team selections. It’s a sad situation.

I’m here to bring the fun. We roast Ben Simmons a lot. Too much. None of that will be happening today. Instead, we’re going to take a look at the five most fun teams that should trade for Ben Simmons.

5. Minnesota Timberwolves

Have you ever had a friend that has crushed on a girl for months at a time but never made a move? It’s me, I was that friend. It’s also the Minnesota Timberwolves in their quest to land Ben Simmons. If Ben Simmons finds himself dancing alone at the school dance, it’s Minnesota that’s been sneaking looks the whole night.

Even with their reported interest, it doesn’t seem like they have enough to make a fair trade for Simmons on their own. D’Angelo Russell isn’t fond of winning basketball, and Towns and Edwards remain untouchable. That leaves Malik Beasley, Jaden McDaniels, and draft picks as positive assets. Not even CLOSE to being enough for Ben Simmons.

The point of this video isn’t to come up with the perfect Ben Simmons trade — even though I have it, and you’ll have to wait for it. We’re looking at teams and players that Ben Simmons makes sense next to, and Minnesota has them. Towns is a center ready to win, who also makes a lot of his money by having perimeter skills as a shooter and passer. There’s not enough room in the paint for Simmons and Embiid, but Towns is almost the perfect big man to put next to him on both sides of the ball. Combine that frontcourt with Anthony Edwards’ flamethrower scoring ability and star power and you’ve got a top 5 League Pass team. 

What’s interesting about Minnesota is that the clock on Karl Anthony-Towns has been ticking for a while now. Towns is completely justified if he wants out, which opens up a world where he could be moved in the next two years, further complicating this deal. He won’t be moved for Simmons. Keeping Minnesota in the mix makes for a fun Ben Simmons team, even if it’s expected.

4. Portland Trail Blazers

For the crush that Minnesota has on Ben Simmons, Philadelphia has that same crush on Damian Lillard. In theory, a combination of Dame and Embiid is an instant title contender. It’s one of the world’s top 3 point guards with one of the world’s top 2 centers. Simmons has tanked his value so hard that a swap for Lillard is a pipe dream. If the Sixers included Maxey and anything else Portland wanted outside of Embiid, it would be up to the Blazers to scan the market and see if they can get a better offer.

Portland would then have a team of Ben, Maxey, CJ, Powell, Nurkic, Covington, and Nance — a definite step back from their sustained success with Dame, but one of the league’s most interesting teams. They’re a whole lot younger, and could double down by moving one of CJ or Nurkic for even more prospects.

The promise of Simmons, Maxey, and Powell still helps Portland remain relevant, and saves them from completely tearing down their roster. In the West, if you tear all the way down, it’s really hard to get back to the playoffs. It took Phoenix a good while to become a contender again.

3. Atlanta Hawks

Here’s my first wildcard — Atlanta. The Hawks have a deep roster full of young players and tradable contracts. There’s no star that the 76ers could get back in the deal, which is tough, but putting Ben next to Trae would be a game breaking duo. 

They complement each other perfectly — redundancy between ball handlers is a great thing. Both push the pace and see every pass, and try to get their own without being forceful. When Trae is cooking on offense, Ben can line up next to John Collins and clean everything up. If Trae goes off-ball, Ben can orchestrate the offense in similar ways, getting downhill. They’ll always be a Trae Young pull up three away from any game.

Defensively, Simmons is everything Trae is not. He’s huge, strong, and wicked smart. Two-time defensive first team. Trae is…not even close to being a good defender. The East is loaded with huge wings who can score: Durant, Tatum, Butler, Middleton, LaVine, Harden. Simmons was made in a lab to defend those guys.

Getting a trade done would prove to be difficult, although if the Sixers realize that there’s no star on the market, Atlanta should be the first team they call. Choose any of Bogdanovic, Huerter, Reddish, Hunter, Jalen Johnson, it doesn’t matter — they’ve got so many good players on team-friendly deals that the Sixers could use them in combination with Tyrese Maxey and picks to go get the next disgruntled superstar.

2. Golden State Warriors

The Warriors can keep saying that they don’t want Ben Simmons, that they won’t part with their young players, that they don’t want both him and Draymond Green in a lineup together — I don’t believe it. Golden State should be big-name hunting, because right now they don’t have the depth that the other Western Conference contenders have.

I understand the continuity that comes with Klay, Steph, and Draymond. I won’t call for any of them to be traded. I’m saying ridiculous things but I’m not on drugs. But a trade takes two to tango, and the Sixers would have to be willing to do a deal. The Warriors have no star to give, but they have that package of Kuminga, Moody, Wiseman and Andrew Wiggins’ salary filler.

As far as on court, the Warriors could unlock Simmons in a new way — as a small ball five. A lineup with Steph, Klay, Poole, Draymond and Simmons has enough shooting and defense to make everything work. Draymond could teach Simmons everything he knows about playing with the best shooters of all-time — Simmons is already as good of a defender as prime Draymond.

The Warriors like to run, pass ahead, shoot threes, and dunk. Ben can do three of those things at a very high level. Bob Myers runs a tight ship, but they get experimental from time to time. If they want to build a bridge to the future, adding Simmons should be one of their first moves in doing so.

1. Dallas Mavericks

It’s time for me to announce my favorite Ben Simmons team, and the trade comes in three team fashion.

The Sixers trade Ben Simmons to Dallas, Dallas trades Porzingis to OKC, and OKC trades Shai Gilgeous-Alexander to Philly. The Sixers and Mavs send picks and swaps to OKC as well.

I can already hear the boos… but give me a second here.

Pairing Ben and Luka would be amazing. The two things Dallas needs to be a title contender are a guard to take pressure off Luka so he doesn’t have the ball in his hands for 45 minutes a game, and a lockdown defender that can guard the other team’s best player. Ben solves it. Porzingis hates it in Dallas, so he ends up with the original team that gave him a draft promise. OKC takes him on as another rehabilitation project and gets EVEN MORE draft picks. With the currrent CBA, SGA can’t be traded until a certain date after he signed his extension. Shai joins Embiid, Harris, and Maxey as a contender in the East, and their roster makes a lot more sense.

Galaxy-brain level thinking, yeah I hear the applause now.

This might be the best trade I’ve ever come up with. Daryl Morey, Sam Presti, Mark Cuban, you don’t have to give me credit, even though I’ve done all of the thinking for you. All I want is for this deal to happen.